Sounds counterintuitive right?

We’re taught from a young age not to show our emotions and even, not to feel them. Especially negative feelings like anger, annoyance, and frustration. Push them down and bottle them up.

Because of this, when we’re chaotically busy and feeling frustrated, we tend to try to get back a feeling of control. This includes feeling in control of our emotions.

But controlling negative emotions by bottling them up is like pouring gasoline in a container and expecting it not to blow up when you throw in a lit match. 

When you bottle them up, they lie in wait for a trigger to set them off. If the bottle is full, when someone pushes a button that would normally make you just a little bit angry, instead you completely lose your cool.

Just like the tiny spark of a match can create an unexpectedly big explosion.

We’re especially susceptible to this when we’re busy and stressed.

Leaders that maintain their composure have mastered two things:

- First, they allow themselves to experience their emotions in the moment.

- Second, they have dug deep into the things that trigger them – things that push their buttons, irritate them or send them into a rage. Once these are uncovered and released, they won't set you off anymore.

So, what can you do?

People always say to count to 10 before responding in a situation that sets you off. The assumption is that you can take that time to bottle up your emotions. 

Instead, I take those few seconds to feel them. Admit you are ____________ (insert negative emotion). You might even say out loud, I'm feeling x. 

Once emotions have been permitted to be felt, they move through you and dissipate.

This takes practice. A lot. In my 1:1 mentoring and my upcoming online program, I help my clients to identify and accept all their emotions, including the negative ones.

Importantly, I help them identify what’s underneath their triggers and how to release them. They can remain calm and composed, even when they are chaotically busy.

So, are you going to continue to try to control your emotions and stay in trigger mode? Or feel the effortless composure that your most admired leaders have mastered?

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